Monday, January 07, 2008

I enjoy my subspace experiences

Heather, my wife and I have been married for 20 wonderful years. The more recent years have been pretty exciting in the evolution of our sexual relationship, but suffice it to say that I worship Heather and am so grateful for the pleasure and happiness she has given me over all these years.

We have seven children, whom I adore. Only two are biologically mine, but to us they are all our children and they know no different. But I am getting ahead of myself.

When I met Heather, we were both in our early 20's and both virgins. We adored each other from the start, and soon married, and despite still being virgin up to our wedding night it was a great success, although Heather seemed surprised at the size of my wedding tackle, saying that she had always heard that men were "much bigger than that" and that she had expected "to find the first time very uncomfortable". However, I made sure that I focused on her pleasure and even if I could not succeed in giving her an orgasm by penetration alone, I made sure she always had at least one orgasm whenever we made love.

After about 5 years, Heather stopped taking "the pill" and we had first a son and then a daughter in fairly quick succession. My job was progressing well at the big multinational company I work for, and we decided that Heather should stop working and focus on raising our children.

When our daughter was two, we discussed having more children and decided that two were enough. Heather is in a high risk group for taking the pill (her father died of a heart attack very young, and Heather seemed to have inherited his high blood pressure), so we decided that I should get a vasectomy. I was totally ok about that, as I was told (and it is normally the case) that there is absolutely no difference in orgasms pre and post vasectomy.

We were a very happy 2 plus 2 family, enjoying everything normal in life and love making. We were both 32.

This was the point where our life started to deviate from the game plan.

Despite what I had been told about the vasectomy making no difference to my orgasms and (being completely objective) I couldn't argue anything different, my mind started to play tricks with me and I started to be unable to get an erection. I was so convinced that as I was no longer "fertile", my cock was useless. I still loved Heather passionately and would always ensure that she achieved at least one (and often more) orgasms whenever we made love, but could not get an erection. My fingers and my tongue were getting really expert though.

Despite my personal disappointment with this state of affairs, I thought all was well with Heather until one night we went to a party and half way through the evening lost sight of her. We had always trusted each other completely, so I had no worries at first, but was quite alarmed as the party broke up after midnight and I could not find Heather anywhere. I thought of asking the few remaining people around if they had seen Heather but felt such a fool that I couldn't bring myself to do so, and after looking in all the bedrooms and round the garden I went home. Heather didn't have her mobile phone at the party, so I couldn't try calling her. I just hoped that she was at home.

I realised that this hope was forlorn when I was met at the door by the baby sitter, who was obviously surprised to see me by myself. I hurriedly told her that Heather had contracted a migraine and was staying over at the party hosts' house.

At 4am, I heard the front door open. I was too proud to rush out and greet or admonish Heather so I feigned sleep. Heather though was less circumspect. She flounced into the bedroom and announced that "she had been fucked properly for the first time in two years" and "by a cock that was what I had originally expected a cock should be like" and "not a weeny little boy's cock like you presented me with on our wedding night".


As she stripped off, revealing an absence of knickers and spunk dripping down her legs, I realised that I had an erection for the first time in two years.

"Heather", I gasped, "look - come here, climb on top of me".

But before she could climb on top, my little, but excited, penis erupted all over my belly and the bed without me so much as touching myself! My first orgasm for two years, wasted!

Heather laughed at that, but was also annoyed that the first erection I had had for two years had been wasted (as far as she was concerned), as before she could climb on top of me I had once again deflated. Still, she climbed into bed and actually snuggled up to me, and stroking and loving me she told me everything that happened.

It is for another story another time to tell you about her first experience of cuckolding me, but as she reached the part of her story where her new lover came inside her, I came again, and spurted again all over Heather's belly, without even getting an erection this time.

We slept the rest of the night in a sticky mess of my infertile cum and the copious quantity of her lover's fertile cum still running down Heather's legs.

Trying to make love again over the next couple of weeks was a disappointment. I still could not get an erection, even though Heather tried re-telling the story that had made me cum after her night out. I still did my duty with finger and tongue, but Heather was never quite the same about it and I could sense that she felt that it was not enough.

A few weeks later Heather came home after visiting a friend one evening and said that, unexpectedly, instead of it being just her and the friend there were actually about 10 people there and amongst them was the man she had gone off with at the party the few weeks earlier. They had drifted together into a quiet corner where they had finally ended up introducing themselves (his name is Colin). He told her how much he had enjoyed the evening and she had candidly admitted to him that she had also enjoyed it. She had told him about me and my failure to satisfy her any more, but had made it very clear that she still loved me and had no intention of jeopardising our relationship. She also told him that I had clearly "got very excited about them making out together" and so she thought I probably would be OK about her doing it again. He told her that a casual relationship suited him because his wife was very rich, and so he also had little wish to rock the marital boat.

"So, I have arranged to meet him again", she concluded. "I thought about asking you first, but after the way you responded last time I thought it probably would be OK"

"I can always cancel if it's not", she added with a look that clearly showed that she wasn't keen on having me tell her to cancel the arrangement.

I love Heather, and although slightly disappointed at the thought that I was no longer fully able to satisfy her, even with my tongue, I also love her enough to want her fulfilment. Feeling good that she had insisted with this man that our partnership was sacrosanct, I felt that I must agree to her going ahead.

The arrangement was for the following evening, a Tuesday, and after getting our children to bed, I sat and watched her as she showered and dressed. Heather always dresses up nicely and takes care of herself when we go out together in the evening and I love her for always making the effort. It was therefore with a pang of jealousy that I noticed that she made just a little more effort on each part of the routine. Her best shower oils, her sexiest undies, our favourite perfume - including a couple of dabs in places I had never noticed her dab before! All topped off with a very sexy dress which I did not recognise, and which she admitted she had bought that morning!

The front doorbell rang, and I watched Heather with another pang as she walked down the drive with his arm around her.

Almost as soon as Heather had gone, I started to experience all kinds of new feelings of sexual excitement. I have heard people describe the feeling as subspace and I now understand it, something totally different from any other sexual feelings I have ever had. I have never felt so sexually aroused inside. I imagined them intimate over dinner together, and about the time that I started to imagine them going back to his house (his wife was away) and starting to make love, I felt a sexual build up, an erection forming and as I imagined him sliding his generous tool (as Heather had described it) into her and without touching myself I came in a soggy mess inside my clothes. I just left the mess there as I continued my fantasies, with my cock completely deflated once again.

At midnight, I went to bed, and continued my fantasies. Heather arrived back at 1am.

She went through the same routine of flouncing herself and showing her absence of knickers again and her gaping spunk covered fanny, and was very disappointed when I failed to grow an erection as I had the previous time.

She was so concerned that I had not enjoyed the evening (because she certainly had) that I told her all about my own excitement and admitted my earlier erection and ejaculation.

She was pleased that I had been aroused but disappointed that I had not been able to save the erection for her, and didn't completely believe that I had done nothing to myself to make myself come.

Once again we had a sticky cuddly night together.

Heather had tentatively arranged to meet Colin again, and after my admission of excitement and with my agreement she went ahead and confirmed it for the same day the following week, which was the day Colin's wife always went up to London to play bridge and stayed over with her friends.

With the anticipation of her night out ahead, our lovemaking for the rest of the week was fantastic again, although I still could not get an erection even with a new set of stories from Heather. Still my tongue and fingers worked overtime and we were both happy.

When the night out came around again, the routine was much the same, but as the doorbell rang Heather asked me to make a special effort not to come by myself, with the promise of a lovely "sloppy seconds" if I could hang onto my erection.

I think that promise made it worse, because I almost immediately started fantasising about Colin depositing loads in Heather, and what it would feel like to me, and had come before she was gone 30 minutes. That still did not stop me having another evening of subspace excitement though.

When Heather came in again in the early hours, she could tell quickly that I has failed in my mission and was disappointed, about which I felt bad, but we both agreed how much we had enjoyed the evening yet again.

Heather and Colin had agreed that they would continue with this weekly arrangement, and I was happy to go along with it as I loved my evenings of subspace and the sexual release that came with it.

Over the next few weeks I tried a number of different ideas of stopping myself from cumming while Heather was out, including repeated cold showers, getting drunk, going to the gym (which required a babysitter), watching TV avidly, and even working. None of them worked. Either I came at some point when my mind wandered, or else (in the case of being drunk) I ended up not coming myself and still not being able to get an erection for Heather. So not much good for either of us!

After a few weeks Heather came up with the radical idea of a chastity cage. She had been looking on the Internet for some ideas on stopping erections and stopping men cumming and had come across sites devoted to chastity cages. She persuaded me to buy one, which took a couple of weeks to arrive.

That night I tried it on, and with a few adjustments it fitted comfortably.

Then I realised that I had my cock was straining against the thing to have an erection.

I called to Heather and full of eagerness she stripped off and lay down for action. I quickly removed the chastity cage, and immediately deflated!

We repeated the exercise three or four times, finally in frustration leaving the thing on all night. With it on I maintained an almost permanent semi-erection (which was all it allowed), resulting in the most physical sexual excitement (as opposed to the psychological sub-space) that I had had for two years.

The following day was a Saturday, and so we tried a number of possibilities of keeping me erect long enough to make love to Heather, none of which worked. We finally sat down to think about what was happening. It all seemed clear when we thought back to how and when my "impotence" had started, and my hangup about not being fertile which had started after my vasectomy.. If I couldn't get Heather pregnant, then if I couldn't have Heather at all then I got excited. If someone else was having Heather who could get her pregnant then I got even more excited.

There was no way of reversing the vasectomy, so we were stuck there. We discussed about me trying to get psychiatric help, but soon decided that actually we both thoroughly enjoyed our new sex life - strange though it was. I still felt that my sub-space episodes were the most erotic sexual experiences I had ever had, and so I wanted them to continue. Heather enjoyed having more than one man devoted to giving her constant sexual enjoyment and, looking me straight in the eyes, asked how I would feel about her spreading herself a bit wider than just Colin (especially as he was about to go on a three month trip around the world with his wife).

I enjoyed the excitement of having an almost permanent semi-erection, so it became almost routine for me to wear the chastity cage. I especially liked it when Heather locked me in and I didn't have the key to let myself out. It was almost as if she was punishing me for no longer being fertile.

She always locked me in it when I made love to her, as for the first time in two years I was able to get something of an erection and get a physical buzz as I stroked or tongued her to her orgasm.

Best of all were when she went out on her assignations with Colin, leaving me locked up and taking the key with her. The chastity cage succeeded in ensuring that in my semi-erect state I didn't end up cumming, and at least Heather and I could mutually enjoy her letting me out and her watching my rise to full erection and spontaneous orgasm as she described what she and Colin had got up to. We quickly found that if she tried to climb onto my erection, then I deflated, so we stopped even trying.

After a few weeks Colin left on his round the world trip, and Heather became quite strange for a couple of days before finally admitting to me that she hadn't had her period for two months and was almost certain she was pregnant.

Amazingly, I became immediately erect and "wonder of wonders" remained so to mine and Heather's delight while we made love and I pumped my now doubly useless load into her. Useless because she was already pregnant and useless because it was sterile useless spunk anyway.

Immediately our love life returned to how it had been early on in our marriage and before I had my vasectomy. We made love almost every day, and more often at weekends. Both of us felt insatiable for each other, and I had no difficulty in keeping both it up, and up with Heather's needs. How could I be annoyed that she was pregnant if our love life returned? There was no question of not keeping the baby and we there and then decided that it would be "ours".

When Colin returned from his round the world trip, Heather gently over the phone told him that she was not interested in resuming the relationship. He wanted to meet with her to discuss it, but she, of course, did not want him to see that she was pregnant lest he put two and two together.

For the rest of Heather's pregnancy, our love life remained fantastic, and "Our" second son arrived as expected. We both love him dearly, Heather because she is his natural mother, and me because he has brought us so much happiness and confirmed the strength of Heather and my marriage together.

Immediately after his birth, I once again lost my ability to make love to Heather, much to both our disappointments. It was back to fingers and tongue, and me wearing my chastity cage, and then six months later Heather came up with a new boy friend.

Once again, our weird sex life of me locked-up and subspacing resumed. Heather was excited and active again, and this went on until she once again found she was pregnant, whereupon the next boyfriend was dropped as my sexual performance returned - even if not my fertility.

We now have seven children in total and are back at the stage of a happy sex life together while Heather is pregnant with number eight. We have decided that this must be the last, as although my good job has allowed us to be able to afford the size of house we need, and to be able to clothe and feed our fantastic family, we are finding it increasing difficult to manage them all on a day to day basis. We are also finding it increasingly difficult to explain Heather's nights out to the older kids.

One drastic measure we have thought about is having Heather sterilised in the hope that if she can not get pregnant, then I might not lose my ability to make love to her again.
It is a big risk, as it may not work out, and even if it does Heather is not sure she wants to be permanently a one man woman. Neither am I sure about losing my subspace experiences.

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