Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Stop Pestering Me! – Continued

Hello, I’m Heather, and I’m the pestered wife that my husband Bill describes in his letter about how we had the radical idea of starting to use a male Chastity Belt to improve our love life.

When Bill told me that he was putting our story on the CB chat room, I was horrified, but agreed after he promised that it would be anonymous. However we have had so many responses from couples who identify with it, and a number of questions about my side of the story, that Bill has persuaded me to tell it in my words. For those who are wondering where the anonymity has gone; my name is not Heather and my husband is not Bill!

I do work very hard, and often have to work at home in the evenings during the week and often even Sunday evenings in preparation for Monday. I will not say what I do just in case it helps people identify us. But the job takes its toll, and I’m afraid that love making during the week had become quite tiresome, and during the week I only usually succumbed to Bill’s advances in order to keep him happy. I only really get turned on when I am feeling relaxed, mostly weekends and holidays, and Bill’s constant attention, whilst flattering as I approach a certain age, was annoying and upsetting me. I was getting upset with myself because I got annoyed with Bill, which is unfair on him, and also getting upset because I felt that I was not fulfilling my role as a wife and lover. At times this started to spill over with me showing my annoyance to Bill, and then I felt even more wretched. Bill and I both were trying to cope with it, but finding it difficult, and I was beginning to resent him finding me sexually attractive!

As Bill said in his piece, this got worse after our Children left home. I threw myself more into work to compensate, which made me even more tired, whilst he clearly started to find the freedom made him think more about sex opportunities.

When he first came up with the idea of a CB and showed me the letter he refers to from Hilda and Jeff, I must admit that I did have some pretty frantic thoughts, and him going through some life crisis was among them. I also wondered if I was failing Bill as a partner. When I looked at the web sites that he suggested, I was a bit shocked, probably because many of the letters and stories are more extreme than I had expected after Hilda and Jeff, and the extreme ones tended to stick in my mind more than the ones that were closer to us. I know that I disappointed Bill initially with my reaction. I could tell by the way that he had snuggled up to me, when showing me Hilda and Jeff’s letter, that this was an idea he was keen on. I can usually tell by his behaviour that he wants to talk me round to something, like a new TV or Hi-Fi. But I didn’t feel like playing along with this one.

During the six weeks that followed that Bill talks about, he was more attentive than usual (although he is normally pretty good), and I could not help thinking that he was still hankering after this idea. This added to my usual level of guilt, and I suppose that is why I was particularly sharp with him when he came on to me and I was not in the mood. So eventually I asked him to show me the letter again and then to log me in to the web site. This time, I thought I had better find out what this was all about, as I would not get any peace until it was brought to a resolution.

What I discovered actually surprised me. Yes, there are people that are extreme (to put it mildly) and I guess, and even hope for their sakes, that much of it is fantasy. After a few months of being a keyholder, I am now far more inclined to be relaxed about people doing what they want so long as they do not hurt anyone. But at the time, I went off to bed with a lot more questions than answers buzzing around in my head. I did discover a serious streak running through many of the articles that I could relate to, with some obviously very earnest normal people with real problems and apparently real solutions. I know that Bill hoped that I would emerge from those web sites panting to play, but I was not at all sure that I was ready yet.

The following day, I resolved to talk to Bill objectively about it, and had more or less decided that I was going to try and talk him out of the idea altogether. When I asked him what he had in mind, he looked so pleased and had obviously thought it all out so carefully that I hadn’t the heart to turn him off, and so relented and agreed to try it out. Bill describes how we came up with the rules and we decided on the CB-3000. In fact it wasn’t “we”. He had already thought about the rules, and had already identified the CB-3000 as being suitable, and I just went along with him. The only addition I made to the initial rules was that cuddles should be allowed. I am fond of cuddles, and miss not getting them from my children, so I was not going to forgo having them with Bill!

In typical Bill fashion on the day that it arrived, he jumped on me enthusiastically as soon as I came through the door. It was at the end of a very heavy day and the last thing I wanted was any sexual business; all I wanted was a glass of wine and my armchair. When Bill went on about it, I felt horribly pressured, and then thought to myself “hang on, this is what the CB is supposed to stop!”, and so had the brilliant idea of putting a stop to him straight away by using the punishment rules we had decided upon. I had to hold myself back from laughing at the look on his face when I told him he had broken the rules and was due one punishment and possibly two. He looked both pleased and shocked at the same time, but he stopped pestering me, and meekly brought me a glass of wine and massaged my sore feet for me. When he brought me the wine, I relented a bit while he massaged my feet and I asked him about it, and then seeing his keen expression, I told him to go away and put the CB on.

While I was making supper, my mind was whizzing around, but I thought that I must be positive about this if it was going to work, or else I could see our relationship getting more strained instead of less. So I resolved to start off playing strictly according to the rules we had agreed, and to appear both serious and reserved about it (which to an extent was the way I felt). So when he appeared with the keys and said that he had put it on, then I just accepted them matter-of-factly and I put one key in the bathroom for him to use to let himself in and out as we had agreed, and the second I put in my purse. We then continued for the rest of the evening as if nothing had happened.

At bed time, when he appeared from the bathroom, I was already in bed and he initially sidled into the bedroom, looking a bit embarrassed, but I called him over and asked to have a good look. Although Bill had shown me pictures, I had expected it to be rather unsightly, but actually he looks kind of cute in it, all neatly packaged up, and not at all what I expected. I normally love to see Bill’s full manhood, but this also appealed to me in a way. What I saw was the man that I love, but instead of his manhood being threatening, it was under my control. It was quite a profound moment for me, and I felt a kind of release from pressure. The adventure had also been floating around in the back (if not the front) of my mind all evening and I was feeling quite turned on, so I suggested that Bill should pay his first fine off and take me to an orgasm. As he especially likes licking me out, I let him make me come that way and thoroughly enjoyed every minute of it. After I had come, I felt my usual obligation to make him come too, and then reminded myself that I did not have to. As the punishment and consequent abstention was his idea, I felt I did not need to feel guilty. I go off the boil pretty quickly and feel sleepy after my orgasm, so actually I was secretly very pleased not having to either satisfy him or to have to get up to wash again, and we snuggled down straight to sleep. I woke a couple of times because of Bill fidgeting, obviously feeling frustrated, and I was tempted to suggest relieving him, but then remembered my resolution to play this by the rules, and reminding myself that this was his idea and he only had himself to blame, I went quickly and comfortably back to sleep.

After the first week or so, we settled down to a routine, and after a couple of months I am actually finding the whole thing surprisingly good for me. I have stopped feeling guilty about not having sex when I don’t really want to, because I have realised Bill is actually getting quite excited by the control, so I now do not feel under pressure for sex, which is fantastic. Also because I can make the running whenever I feel like it, and don’t have to if I don’t feel like it anymore, my life with Bill feels much easier, and we seem more romantic. I used to be nervous about starting to cuddle him at bed time when I was tired out, because he would always take that as an overture to sex, even when all I wanted was simply a cuddle. I, of course, would then have the dilemma of either feeling guilty at turning him off or else have to force myself to get turned on. The latter I would do for Bill’s sake, because I love him, but rarely really enjoyed. Now I can cuddle him all I like and he knows that a cuddle is all I am looking for unless I produce the key.

What is fun is the transformation when I feel really randy for a proper session and I get the key and let him out. He springs to attention and I find the contrast between him caged and him standing erect is even more exciting than it previously had been.

I do admit that I enjoy both him licking me out and the extra attention that he gives to helping me achieve my orgasm when he is still locked up. I also like not ending filled up with his sperm when I have just had a shower ready for bed, and so I also admit that I play him out a bit on the extra punishments so that we don’t tend to end up with penetrative sex during the week. He doesn’t seem to mind, in fact I think he enjoys it. I hadn’t really noticed it until Bill said, but I think he is right in that I end up having more orgasms now than I did before, all because I can do it all at my own pace. Strange to think that putting him in a Chastity Belt results in more sex!

I love his manhood, and Bill is not really right about me thinking he is too small. But I know from some of the letters that he reads and points out to me in men’s magazines that he likes to play at this role, so I go along with it. As for going with another man, I don’t think that is for me in reality, but again I’ll play along with his fantasy if that’s what he wants to imagine.

I don’t feel guilty about sex anymore, and I’m happy that I am right not to feel that way. I know that Bill is actually enjoying the sexual thrill of being restrained when I don’t feel like making love, so in a strange way I am actually keeping him equally sexually satisfied by either making love or not making love, entirely as I please. Also not only was it all his idea, but also he can suggest that we call a halt at any time. Mind you, I’m enjoying the freedom, so I would be disappointed if we did stop now.

So my advice to any of you wives out there who are thinking of trying this, especially if your man has suggested it himself, is “give it a go”. After all, you have nothing to lose. If it doesn’t work for you, you can give it up at any time, but if it does work, as it has for Bill and me, then you will find the release from pressure a great reward.

Oh! And one other thought. Although Bill can just manage to go to the loo standing up when he is wearing the CB, he finds it much easier sitting. Just think, no more loo seats left up!


Friday, March 16, 2007

Stop Pestering Me!

We had the radical idea of me wearing a CB for quite different reasons from the usual story of husbands failing to give enough attention to their wives, often as a result of masturbating. Our problem was almost the reverse in fact.

My Wife works very hard, and apart from weekends and holiday times, when she is much more receptive, she just does not find it very easy to get turned on. My constant advances started to annoy her, and she had once or twice rounded on me and, clearly annoyed, had asked me to stop pestering her.

Although we have been married for a long time, and have grown up children, We are very happy together and still very much in love, and I believed that our love making had been satisfactory so that was not at the heart of the problem, but more on that later.

The problem started coming more to a head after our children left home. Previously, when they were around, finding time to make love was not easy and our love making tended to be limited to Saturday and Sunday mornings, when we could be sure that our adolescent kids were sleeping in and not likely to disturb us. Once they left home to jobs and University, we had the house to ourselves, and I found myself thinking of love making more and more during the rest of the week.

It was this that started to get to my Wife because every evening I would start making advances, and she was getting more and more fed up. You may ask why could I not have gone away and had a quiet wank. The answer is that I could have done, but my Wife did not really like me doing that. She is not a prude, and me wanking doesn’t bother her on moralistic grounds, in fact she is quite relaxed about using her vibrator on herself when she feels like it, whether I’m around or not. The reason that she was not comfortable about me wanking as an alternative to pestering her is that it made her feel as though she was a failure as a Wife and lover. The second reason is that wanking was not a way out because the more I wanked, the more it seemed that I got horny for sex, only making matters worse.

After about six months, I was getting so worried about what this might be doing to our relationship, that I started thinking that I had to find a solution. My first thought was to look for something like the opposite to Viagra, that would remove my libido, but it also needed to be something that could be turned on and off at will. I did not want it stopping me making love normally at the weekends, or in fact being able to satisfy my Wife on the rare occasions that she did fancy making love during the week.

So, I started to browse the Internet, and soon found that all roads on similar subjects seem to lead to Altairboy at some point. Up to this point I was totally unaware of male chastity devices, and I thought that Chastity Belts were only something for women (and real kinks at that). Instead I found that male chastity devices are very much alive, and that most of the letters and discussion was around improving marital relationships and sexual experience.

After reading through a number of the letters I came across one from Hilda and Jeff called “The case for chastity”, which exactly defined our problem as being the need to regulate different sex drives (at least during the week).

This made perfect sense to me, and I could see that this could work for us. Now, I was faced with how to introduce the idea to my Wife without her jumping to wild conclusions, or thinking that her husband of nearly 30 years had gone weirdly kinky on her. This was intended to make our marriage better, not destroy it.

One Sunday afternoon when we were both feeling sexy, I showed her “The case for chastity” letter from Hilda and Jeff, and also the website on “A married woman’s guide to a happier more fulfilling relationship”, and she got turned on while reading them. Good start. I then persuaded her that evening to look at the websites like Altairboy. Not so good. She looked briefly and then said that it was all stupid and “didn’t appeal to her”. So reluctantly I left the subject alone.

Over the next few weeks, I still had the idea in the back of my mind, but did not dare raise the subject again. Our sex life returned to the normal, and I obviously kept on pestering her, because there were one or two sharp retorts from her.

Then after about six weeks, one evening after I had pestered her and had one of those sharp retorts, she asked to read the letters again. I duly got them out and she re-read them rather more slowly, and then she asked me to find the web sites on the PC and leave her alone for a while in peace to read them. After about half an hour, during which I was getting quite aroused, I took her a mug of coffee and she took it and waved me away. She emerged after another hour and we went to bed, where nothing was said (and nothing happened either, much to my disappointment), and she read a novel for a while and then turned over, put her light out and went to sleep. Needless to say, my mind was not in a state to sleep well, and I slept fitfully all night with a raging hard on.

The following evening, still feeling frustrated, I started to fondle her in the kitchen while she was cooking, and this provoked her to a sharp reaction again. After supper, she then said “Let’s talk about all this CB stuff” (she already had picked up the jargon), “What had you in mind”.

I reminded her how much I loved her, reminded her how much I enjoyed making love to her, and then how good our love making was on holidays and at the weekends. I told her that it was precisely because she excited me so much that I found it difficult not to be pestering her for sex. She acknowledged all that, but urged me to get to the point.

I then suggested that we buy a CB-3000 for me, and that I should wear it as a training device so as not to pester her. I referred to the letter from Hilda and Jeff and pointed out the paragraph:

“The fourth group I have encountered consists of those couples who use chastity play to regulate differing sexual drives. The keyholder is relieved of the nuisance of fending off undesired sexual advances. This takes pressure off the subject as well. He no longer has to read her moods to tell when she's ready. When the key comes out, he KNOWS she's ready to play.”

I proposed that I should be expected to wear it all the time when at home, and that as Hilda and Jeff suggested, she would let me know when she was in the mood by producing the key. There was no need for me to wear the device away from home during the weekdays, unless I wanted to, because that wasn’t the time that I was pestering her and needed to control. The initial rules were simple:

I had to put on the CB-3000 when I came home in the evening, as a constant reminder to me not to pester her. The “training” of not getting aroused when wearing it would also help that, we thought. I had to wear it overnight, and could only take it off when it was time to shower and dress before going to work in the morning. I was not normally required to wear it at weekends or on holidays, unless I wanted to.

She would indicate to me that she was wanting attention by dangling her key at me. I was forbidden to pester her for sex at any other time. Cuddles were permitted, but if I made any sexual advance without her express permission (such as fondling her breasts, buttocks or mound) then that was breaking the rules.

I must not masturbate. Remember this CB was voluntary, and I had access to the spare key so I could let myself in and out of the CB-3000 to go to work. She knows I am honest, and if she asked me I would admit to it.

If I broke the rules at any time then as punishment I would forgo an orgasm the next time we made love. The way that this worked is that I would be required to stay in the CB-3000 permanently (while at home) until AFTER the next time we had made love. I would be required to give her pleasure without coming myself, by whatever means she fancied. This rule could mean my having to wear the CB-3000 for all or at least part of the weekend to serve my term of punishment.

We had decided on the CB-3000 because it is cheap, attractive and discreet and because it has a reputation for being comfortable to wear. Although it was not intended to be on all the time, there could be times when it was on for a few days continuously, such as long weekends or on holidays if I was serving a term of punishment.

I ordered the CB-3000 and we waited for it to arrive, which it did about 10 days later. I was at home when it was delivered on a Thursday morning when I was working at home, and I could not resist opening the package and having a look at it alone before my Wife came in. I was absolutely delighted at the appearance, simplicity and comfort (yes, I tried it on), and waited for her to come home.

When she did get home, I told her it had arrived and tried to get her to look at it. She replied that she was “not in the mood at the present, and that we would look at it at the weekend”, and when I persevered she declared that I had “broken rule number 2 and pestered her sexually”, and technically “now that the CB-3000 was here, that was an offence and I owed her one orgasm”. When I protested, she reminded me that I “was at home and not wearing the CB-3000, and that technically that broke rule number 1, and I could be facing a pretty poor start with a second orgasm at stake”. I told her that I was waiting for her before playing around with it, but admitted that I had looked at it and tried it on. After establishing that I was happy with it she said “in that case you can get on and wear it”. She was “only interested in it getting me to behave”, and she “was not bothered about playing with it”, so I could “just go and put it on and give her the keys”.

I duly put it on while she cooked supper, and when I came down to supper she merely asked “have you got it on then”, and when I said yes and gave her the keys, she just nodded and we ate supper and talked about normal things as usual. It felt Bizarre really. After supper, I washed up and my Wife did some work and we watched a bit of TV and had coffee before going to bed.

At bedtime, we washed and undressed as usual, and as we always sleep in the buff, my Wife could clearly see the CB-3000 when I came back into the bedroom. When she saw it she grinned and beckoned me over, saying “let’s have a good look at it then”. She then proceeded to look it over carefully and feel all round and lift my balls to see how it all fitted together. I was desperately trying not to make any sexual advances, although I felt very horny indeed and was beginning to discover the discomfort of wearing the CB-3000 with a developing erection. My discomfort was not over however, as she beckoned me into bed, and obviously excited by the whole affair demanded that “I make love to her there and then with the CB-3000 on”. “You can serve your first punishment now”, she suggested, and then invited me to give her a good licking out.

Now this was interesting, as sex on a weekday evening was a rare event indeed, and so I set about with a will, making her come strongly with my tongue, and not using her vibrator, which she nearly always needs to come nowadays. As I emerged from under the sheets with her sweet taste in my mouth, she was grinning and pointed out that there was another advantage to this and that was she was not being left with sticky cum in her and she could settle down to sleep without having to wash again.

Over the next three months, the CB-3000 seemed really to do its job. My constant wearing it at home reminded me every time I started to think of making advances, and I would just cuddle my Wife (which she always loves), without making sexual moves. She said that she felt much happier coming to me and stroking the back of my neck or cuddling me, as she could stop being worried that I would immediately start turning it into a sexual advance, which previously she would have felt guilty about turning away or plain annoyed if I had caught her at the wrong time altogether. She knew that our rule about the key being dangled, would mean that there was no ambiguity about her wish to cuddle rather than make love.

Inevitably, we have progressed from the initial three rules. She found that as soon as she got home on a Friday night I would start pestering her before she had a chance to relax, because I was not restrained, so I now wear the CB-3000 all the time when I am not at work, including weekends. We decide whether I am going to wear the CB-3000 when we go out together at the weekend or in the evening, depending on what we are doing and what I will be wearing. We have decided that unless we decide that it is going to be potentially difficult, revealing or embarrassing, I will normally wear it. That makes decisions easier. My Wife feels that I am constantly a bit more attentive to her (without pestering!) at all times while I am wearing it, and not unnaturally she enjoys that.

Recently, my Wife admitted to noticing that now that she is having more orgasms without me entering her (when I am serving a punishment term), she actually often enjoys sex more when I do not enter her. We have decided that this is actually because I am not particularly well endowed and that me coming in doesn’t give her that much stimulation or excitement physically, and only makes her messy. She still prefers to make love with me and only very rarely makes herself come off with her vibrator when I am not around. We have started to experiment with a few phalluses and dildoes, but haven’t quite found the right one yet. Actually, this is quite an innovation for us, as before this, she would never go along with trying out much in the way of sex toys, although the first vibrator I bought for her became a part of our life, and has been updated many times.

She also spotted one flaw in the rules, which means that she can start to get sexy with me, but until she has actually flourished the key, she can stop me at any time, and if I protest then it is likely to be a breach of the rules. This has the effect of making her far more inclined to start getting a bit sexy, even if she is feeling tired, because she knows that she can stop it all if she does not end up feeling really turned on. Often on these occasions she will go all the way to making her come without flourishing the key (so no orgasm for me!). I think this is bending the rules slightly, but I am only too pleased that she is getting more sexy during the week and I am happy to go along with it.

Another thing that she spotted is Hilda’s comment about “a warm tongue being so much nicer than a cold coarse wash cloth”, and so a condition of me being let out to finish off inside her is that I oblige with a warm tongue cleaning up afterwards, just occasionally resulting in her having a second orgasm.

The penalty system has also evolved a bit, and we now have minor offences (such as leaving the toilet seat up), which results in me being locked in the CB-3000 while we make love, but then being allowed out to relieve myself afterwards, usually with my Wife helping manually or cuddling me. I the idea for this penalty came from my Wife, and I think is intended to enable her to be able to justify sex without penetration as much as she can. If I am especially good then I earn the right to come in her, and so I work hard to be allowed to do that.

Has this worked for us? Well clearly it is having a number of good effects for my Wife.

The first is that I have pretty much stopped pestering her. Apart from the fact that the pestering used to annoy her, she has also been able to stop feeling guilty about turning me down.

Secondly, she actually ends up having more sex. She is more relaxed about starting, especially when she is tired, because she can control how far we go, and she knows that until she produces the key then she can stop me easily at any time. As a result she usually ends up by coming, and now that she knows how much pleasure I get from simply helping her come, she has stopped worrying about having me come inside her, and only unlocks me to come inside her when she really feels like it. Increasingly, I do not get to enter her, because she prefers not to end up sticky before going to sleep.

Finally, because she is more in charge, and knows that I enjoy it, she is beginning to make sure that I actually understand and give her more of what she really wants sexually, and she is feeling much less hung up with what she thinks she should be doing for me.

For me, I get a buzz out of exciting and fulfilling my Wife’s sexual needs at her pace, and I no longer feel at danger of alienating her and putting our whole relationship in jeopardy over my sexual advances. I find the anticipation exciting, and the extra frustration that I get from making her come and not come myself even more so. The occasional “punishment” only heightens the anticipation and adds even more spice to it all.

What next? Well, now that my Wife has decided that I am too small to excite her, and the dildoes are not proving successful, she has been reading one or two of the letters on Altairboy’s web site about wives keeping their husbands in their CB’s while they take a well hung lover. I think it’s just to tease me, but ….